I skipped work to stalk him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
