oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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