we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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