I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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