theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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