Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
