i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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