Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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