how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
even my farts smell like vagina
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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