The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
