i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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