No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
These tits shall not be calmed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
