theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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