Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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