On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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