Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
