Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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