he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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