Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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