It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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