went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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