Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
