Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
