I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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