hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
