i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
