It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
