Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
