Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
