My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
farters have to be the big spoon...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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