you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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