My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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