found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
