the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
