So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
