Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
