): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize