i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
