We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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