My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the liver wants what the liver wants
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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