i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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