I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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