she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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