How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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