i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
