Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
