i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
