Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
