Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
