Where is the hickey?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
