Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
