You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
