More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
