oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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