My friends, they love my intelligence
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
