It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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