it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Randomize
