I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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