hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
