I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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