I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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