p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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