What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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