Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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