I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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