I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize