we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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