dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
