Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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