Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ruined the universe
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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