That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
