I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
